I have no regrets…

A Day When I Wasn't My Best…

We all have those days when we feel physically and mentally fragile, when exhaustion from our daily lives takes over. To me, it's never easy to get myself to step out into this chaotic world.

Because stepping out means facing people—and that might bring out a side of me I don’t want anyone to see. A side I usually try to keep hidden: irritable, maybe even reactive to things that are nonsense.

Honestly, it’s so easy to lock myself up indoors—sinking into my instability, avoiding every kind of confrontation with the world, and waiting until I get better.

I’ve always known that hiding isn’t the answer. I know walking helps — even just five minutes to get groceries can release some of the gloomy energy lingering in my mind.

The First Step Towards Confrontation

After days of feeling off, today I stepped out — no room for hesitation. I left my comfort zone, my home sweet home. I walked from Ratchathewi to Chidlom and back again, letting myself dissolve into the chaos: the rush, the noise, and the raw pulse of the city.

There were so many office workers, tourists, and cars—all bustling through the crowded streets. I heard the constant blare of car horns, people shouting, and the general commotion. Everything was happening all at once. I felt almost nervous.

And yet… I faced my vulnerability head-on. I stayed with the discomfort, giving it space to be felt and heard—acknowledging it with mindfulness.

I wasn’t trying to act normal. I just refused to let fear define me. Fear—you can’t fool me anymore. I’m glad I stepped out and embraced those difficult emotions—even on one of my most mentally exhausting days.

Fear is the voice of hesitation. It whispers, "I’m not ready. I shouldn’t go out."

Embracing Imperfection

Later that same afternoon, I was reading in a quiet coffee shop. Then, a group of office workers came and sat down at the table right next to mine. Their conversations were loud—full of work complaints. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel distracted at all. I remained focused on the book. No irritability, not even a thought like, 'Their voices are bothering me.'

On low-energy days, I tend to get irritable easily. I would often react rudely—walk away in annoyance, just to show them that their inconsiderate behavior ruined my day. That kind of reaction used to scare me. I feared becoming someone I couldn’t control my feeling.

But it became clear to me: I don’t feel that way anymore. I wasn’t pretending or suppressing anything. Maybe… I had given that feeling space to exist—without resisting it or pushing it away. And in that moment, I heard something else: the silence of the universe behind the noise of the world. And I realized—it is because of space and silence… that sound can exist.

Life's Lesson

This isn't just about overcoming fear. It's about learning to:

Accept myself in all states. Even when I don’t feel good, I’m still myself. And I have the right to choose what I can control.

Fear often comes from imagined scenarios and scattered thoughts.
But when I face fear—walk with it—I realize I’m stronger than I thought. I can choose how I respond.

Let mindfulness be my compass. It keeps me from spiraling into emotional fog and helps me stay balanced inside.

Today, I stepped out to the world I was hiding…and in that moment, life unfolded its deepest truth to me. I found “Stillness. Space. Silence.”